Another Cooking Disaster
by Cathelien
Summary: another disaster happens in the kitchen. Some sort of freakishly wierd LaviXKanda pairing


Sequel for Cooking Disaster because my writer's block has not cleared up…I'm writing very slowly now

**Sequel for Cooking Disaster because my writer's block has not cleared up…I decided to throw in a gay pairing just for the hell of it. What's crack without that? But its fun crack isn't it? May be very suggestive in some cases…for blatant-rusted who is having trouble registering…she helped write this…May the god of pastries and all things desert have mercy on her soul…**

**I do not own DGM but I own the disasters I call my fic plots…rated T for a reason**

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It was a good few weeks after _that_ incident. He had resolved _never_ to work in the kitchen again. And he wouldn't admit out loud that he actually liked the icing. But why would he let Lavi have his way? Lavi had been on Kanda's case about the icing for six weeks straight. Kanda couldn't even go into the cafeteria without Jeryy staring at him like he was the God of pastries and all things desert. He was fed up of it. Now he found him self walking with Mugen already drawn, ready to kill the next person who brought up the incident. Unfortunately, the kitchen decided to let the chefs except Jeryy get food poisoning again. One of them had even dropped unconscious because of it.

And again, he found himself being dragged to the kitchen because he had mad baking skills. Stupid Komui for telling him he had to do this of all things again. So again, he was in the kitchen with the same three annoying people. And everyone got the same jobs as last time to boot. Such amazing luck for Kanda! He grunted and mumbled to himself while he went through that damned recipe book again. And again he began to work. But Jeryy had other plans. He gave everyone an apron that said, 'I'M A HAPPY HAPPY COOK' or in Kanda's case, one that said, 'I'M A HAPPY HAPPY BAKER.' The words were printed below a huge smiley face.

"I am not wearing this," he objected.

"If you don't, I'll tell Komui that you volunteered for kitchen duty for the next three months," Jeryy was evil. Very evil.

Kanda put the stupid apron on and looked blankly at the book. All the psychedelic forces of nature were conspiring against him with all their vengeance. He could feel the eyes of the others staring at him. Their gazes burning into the apron…until…

"YUU!! ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME SOMETHING?" Lavi pounced on him.

He reached in the usual place for his katana but remembered that Jeryy had stored all the Innocence in a locked closet. He silently cursed and threw Lavi across the kitchen. Lavi nearly hit Linali but collided with Allen. He sulked and looked at Jeryy with such pretend innocence that it would have outshined that of a baby. And babies were the purest, most innocent things in the world. But Kanda knew the world was coming to an end because Komui's birthday was only a day away. He hated the psychedelic forces of nature with a vengeance. They would pay for this. Aren't the psychedelic forces of nature just wickedly, radically awesome?

Linali stared nervously at the desert section. Since that day, she wanted proof that someone as cold as him could eat something as sweet as icing. She had told her brother about it and he didn't believe her. Said he wanted proof. Se had a tiny digital camera in pocket does she have pockets? when it occurred again. She washed and dried the dishes until she broke one drying to hard. It made her jump but the next plate didn't break. Nothing really went well with their spying. The breakfast rush was a little harder because they had all lost their touch. Coffee and tea was spilling and sometimes the food got burnt.

As the orders became less, it became boring. The dishes sparkled and the ingredients were organized. There wasn't a speck on the stove or the floor and the fires were turned off. Everyone sat in the middle of the kitchen, on the floor because Jeryy was too lazy at the moment to get the chairs out of the closet.

"What are you staring at shrimp?"

"The name's Allen! That cake is huge," Allen continued to stare at the cake.

Slowly they turned ad looked at the thing. It was about four feet tall and clearly chocolate. It was undecorated and still had some steam coming out from it. They turned slowly back to the 'cold one.'

"Why'd you make that?" Lavi asked, "You hate chocolate…maybe a tasteless cake might be in your expertise."

"I forced him to make it," Jeryy said with a bright smile plastered across his face.

They gaped at him. Force…_him_…to make _that_…? Impossible. But Jeryy had his ways too. And besides, he didn't want kitchen duty for the next three months. By then, there would be no kitchen left.

"Hello, somebody?" came from outside the kitchen. Jeryy rushed right over and immediately began to talk.

**Four hours later…**

Jeryy was still talking to that person and people were falling asleep in the kitchen. Allen was curled up in a ball, sleeping soundly on the floor with a drawn up face in marker. Linali had said marker and was colouring her nails with it because she was bored. They would be washed off later before anybody could panic. Lavi sat silently talking to himself and trying to sneak a peek at the corner of the kitchen…or was he looking somewhere else or at someone else?

"When's the lunch rush coming?" he bawled out in confusion.

Jeryy turned around slightly and glared at him. Then he flashed a smile.

"The lunch rush is being tended to outside the cafeteria, with the food our cooks prepared before they got sick," he turned back to the person.

Lavi sat there, mouth gaping open. What…was _he_ planning? But then Lavi remembered what day tomorrow was and grinned. Tomorrow…everyone would know about someone's little secret. Or would they? They might not even believe it or look at Kanda twice before getting killed. And in a world where as many had to stay alive as possible; no one could afford to die. Jeryy was whistling to himself as he went over to the cake. To his surprise, it was already decorated. The cake was now blue and orange; elaborately decorated. He silently thanked the psychedelic forces of nature for their wickedly radically awesome job on providing him with the God of pastries and all things desert. It was truly a blessing. Maybe he could convince Komui to let the 'cold one' to do kitchen duty for the rest of his life.

But then people would line up to even catch a glimpse of the God at work. Then they would faint and die from being sliced into a million pieces. That would make Jeryy very sad. So Jeryy decided not to do that. Lavi however, was staring wide eyed at the cake.

"How…you…what the…"

Linali had fainted and Allen was still sleeping. Kanda had half a mind to throw Lavi across the room but the other half thought otherwise. It must've been the cake's doing but he restrained himself.

"You just aren't fast enough idiot," he smirked.

"NOT FAIR! And all I had was this video camera recording everything," he pointed towards a video camera behind the cake.

That was mistake number one. Kanda instinctively went over to the camera and destroyed it. Lavi sulked. It was his only video camera and now it was wrecked. How will he cope with the grief? Maybe if he did something to his best friend, it might do the trick. Now if he could only find what to do…

**Three hours later…**

"You are all free to go," Jeryy smiled as he left, "Whoever is last can lock up."

They all shuffled out of the kitchen, tired and annoyed at the fact that they didn't get any proof. Too bad it was Kanda that had to lock up. Curse the gods for this. Before he could lock up; he heard a muffled noise in the cafeteria. He went back inside to check it out. There was nothing but silence and the stillness of the kitchen. But then there was that noise again. Maybe it was nothing. Kanda turned around but the sound turned into muffled laughter. Was this some spirit trying to play tricks on him? He closed the door behind him and proceeded to lock it when there was a horrible pounding coming from the next side. He opened the door but there was no one inside.

Suddenly the door closed behind him and he was pushed against it. He would have reached for his sword but it was thrown across the room. He was violently kissed on the mouth. _Soft_ he thought…_wait…what?!_ When he finally could think logically again, he heard laughter.

"I told you not to do that here," he snarled.

"I couldn't help myself…you are just so cute, like a girl. And then I couldn't believe you were going sweet on me Yuu-chan," he replied.

Kanda was still pressed against the wall, like a cornered feline…I mean cornered animal. But what they didn't know couldn't possibly hurt them. What if someone just decided to saunter into the kitchen? But all was silent. Besides, what did he care about what they thought? But this still wasn't fair. He wasn't supposed to not have his Innocence. She was away from him; screaming out to him. He needed to get to her. But there was the matter of who was blocking him.

"Get out of my way rabbit," he pushed him aside and picked up his sword.

Lavi made a run for it. Not only had he gotten back at Kanda for destroying his video camera; he had also gotten his sword away from him. Not that he even needed to do those things. Mugen was easily forgotten sometimes and he didn't need to get back at him. But he liked doing it anyway. Besides, it was always fun to poke and tease him. But he came face to face with the cold, unforgiving steel of Mugen and quickly ran away. Kanda smirked to himself as he locked up; left the key in the kitchen lock and left. He walked slowly up to his room and passed a couple of pillars.

It was uncanny that the Order was deathly still in the night. But it was calming and easier to walk through. During the day, there were too many finders and exorcists wandering around. He was suddenly pulled behind a pillar and kissed roughly. God, this kid could be so stupid sometimes. Kanda wondered why the hell he put up with him.

"I'm not staying here with you," he said coldly.

"Then I'll just show everyone the pictures of you in a frilly pink apron baking stuff. Maybe even the one of you licking purple icing off your finger. Come on," he started to walk.

Kanda knew he always gave in because he actually liked the annoyance. But tomorrow he would destroy all evidence of those horrible days in the kitchen…

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**It's so weird…I didn't write the whole thing…blatant-rusted took over the second half. Did you think that this collaboration was good or do you just want to blast us for not making it a Yullen? Tell us in a review…BTW, blatant's gonna post something new for you kiddies in the Yullen section. Look out for it, it's really good…Please review my pretties, you are my only hope for survival. ;)**


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